5 Things A Space Alien Should NEVER Say To Someone In Yakima

The UFO's might be coming here! They could be on their way to Planet Earth right this very minute!

Astronomers have announced they have detected more strange radio frequencies and bursts coming from a galaxy far away.

COULD IT BE THE ALIENS?!

Have we finally been spotted from a galaxy far, far away? (Scientists are saying it's radioactive bursts from a black hole and NOT aliens, but I'm sure it's aliens!)

Perhaps it's the aliens trying to make contact with us, but of course, to them, we would be the aliens, but I digress. I'm just hoping the aliens are cute and have a strong resemblance to Thor, Star Lord and Idris Elba as Heimdall in Guardians of the Galaxy. #RIPSTANLEE. Hopefully, they won't look anything like those ugly whats-it-names in Men In Black! Blech!

Some things people say to me as a Yakimatronic truly makes my eyes roll. HARD.

Things like:

"Do people really like Cheese Zombies?"
Duh, of COURSE we do, what are you a space alien? (Oops, yes, you are!)

"You are SO close to Seattle, why don't you like driving over the passes during the winter months?"
Are you KIDDING me? I frickin' LOVE Seattle, but I don't have all-wheel drive and I don't like having to pull over and slap on some tire chains, and I don't like doing that "white-knuckle" drive over the Mananastash Ridge or Snoqualmie passes, thank you very much!

"Which do you like better, Miner's or Major's?"
I am so sick of this question, to be honest. I actually prefer Major's burgers and beer-battered fries, but it seems the rest of the town loves Miner's the best (they do have a superb after-midnight drive-thru, though, so I can see the need for all the kudos).

"The timing of all those traffic lights on Yakima Ave really don't bother me at all!"
If you love the draining stop-start-stop-start traffic on Yakima Ave, then there must be something wrong with you. You must not even be human--wait, I already forgot, you're a space alien!

"Trader Joe's is so overrated anyway!"
The whole city of Yakima has pined for a Trader Joe's since time infinity, and seeing as how you're a space invader alien, then you should understand what infinity truly means!

Ugh. Those space aliens better not say ANY of those things to me or I will just glare at them and say, "TALK TO THE HAND!"