I was one of the brave shoppers who woke up before the butt crack of dawn just to save a few pennies and hurt my credit limit. But throughout all of the shopping and savings, I felt inspired. So here it is ...To the tune of "The Night Before Christmas," here's my "Twas the Day After Thanksgiving!"

TWAS THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING, AND ALL THROUGH THE STORE
NO ONE WAS THERE, THEY WERE ALL AT THE DOOR
IT WAS THE 5 TO 11 SALE, HELD AT FRED MEYER
WOMEN HOPING FOR DEALS, AND THE MEN, OH HOW THEY TIRE

PEOPLE BUNDLED UP, JUST TRYING TO STAY WARM
COUNTING DOWN THE MINUTES, TO THEE APPROACHING STORM

GLOVES, SCARVES, COATS WITH WOOL CAPS!
I JUST SAW A LADY SLIP ON THE ICE,
IT WAS HER HIP THAT JUST WENT SNAP

FREEZING OUTSIDE, MY TEETH WERE A CHATTER
SALES PEOPLE INSIDE EATING DOUGHNUTS, GETTING MUCH FATTER
AND OUT THROUGH THE WINDOW, THEY STARTED TO LAUGH
AT ALL OF THE FROZEN PEOPLE, WITH THEIR PLASTIC AND CASH

SUDDENLY THE DOORS OPEN, SO LIVELY AND QUICK
AND AT THAT VERY MOMENT, THIS DAY MADE ME SICK
MORE RAPID THAN RAPIDS, SHOPPERS PURCHASES CAME
WALKING OUT WITH BIG ASS TV'S, SONY'S BY NAME

SALES ON
TONKA, ON HOT WHEELS, ON THOSE BASTARDIZED LEGOS
AND IPADS, AND SMART PHONES, AND XBOX'S HALOS

THE STORE FLOODED WITH MOBS, BOUNCING OFF WALLS
I CAN'T HAVE ONE POKEMON, I MUST OWN THEM ALL!!!

OLD LADIES WENT DARTING, INTO SOCK AISLES
THEIR EVIL INTENT, HIDDEN WITH A SMILE
SHE DROPPED ONE PAIR, I HELPED HER TO GRAB THEM
BUT SHE HIT ME WITH A CART, NAILED ME RIGHT IN THE SHIN

"THIS ONE IS MINE," THE HAGGARD VOICE CALLED
OUTSIDE ON THE ICE I'LL PUSH HER, AND LAUGH AS SHE FALLS
THIS THOUGHT I HAD, BROUGHT A SMILE TO MY FACE
THEN LIKE AT WAL-MART, THE OLD HAG SPRAYED ME WITH MACE

SO MUCH VIOLENCE AND CHAOS, THIS TRIP'S MADE ME WEARY
NOT TO MENTION THE CREDIT CARD BILLS, COME FEBRUARY
TO ADD TO THE FACT, NO MORE ITEMS OF DREAMS
FOR THE SHELF THAT HAD HELD THEM, THE VULTURES PICKED CLEAN

AS THIS SHOPPING TRIP ENDS IN FAILURE, ON THIS BLACKEST OF FRIDAYS
MY POCKETS STILL FILLED WITH MONEY, THOUGH MY HOPES DRIFT AWAY

GREEDY SHOPPERS LIKE MAD MEN, JUST PRESSING THEIR LUCK
TO BLACK FRIDAY I SAY, WHAT THE [expletive deleted]!!!

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