Bizarre Go-cart Accident Leaves Man With Impaled Rectum

Rectum?!?!

Damn near killed 'em!

A 31 year-old father of two girls learned the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished.  A week ago Saturday, the man, who's name is still not yet known, took his daughters to Furuvik Theme Park in eastern Sweden for a day of bonding and fun.

What he got, instead, was a metal tow hook on the back of the go-carts they were riding directly up his butt, ripping through his jeans, impaling his rectum and puncturing his urethra!

If that weren't bad enough - and this is my favorite part - after getting free from the tow hitch, he was bleeding madly and was helped to a bathroom to wash up. The park staff gave him a new pair of shorts, work pants, and treated them all to lunch.  It wasn't until later when he got home that things got worse.

The victim of the bizarre accident began to shiver and run a high temperature.  He went to the doctor and subsequently found out that he blood poisoning!  He was treated with penicillin to fight the infection and morphine to help ease the pain.

So, let me get this straight.  I get a metal hook up my arse at your carnival which requires morphine - MORPHINE! - to help kill the pain, and the best you can do is buy me lunch and a basically a t-shirt that says, "I rode the go-carts at Furuvik and I'll I got was this lousy pair of shorts and a tow hook up my butt! (Oh, and a sandwich!)"

Here is exclusive audio from the press conference following the incident: