Every year for a little more than a decade, I have been collecting taxes from my kids.

Just once a year, much like the IRS.

I provide transportation, security and the costumes, so once the trick-or-treating is done I take a little "taste" of the loot.

OK, so maybe I am more like the mafia.

I take my 20 percent.

I am up front about this transaction before the candy is in the bag. Before I have provided my protection services as an escort through miles of suburban mazes.

Last night I even got lost in my own neighborhood and had to use the map app on my iPhone to navigate back home.

My youngest kids, the twins, started to protest this year.

"You can choose not to pay," I said. "But just like the IRS, I will foreclose to collect what I am owed."

It could be worse, I could one of these parents...