May is National Masturbation Month
Whether you're an old pro, or a newcomer to the self-love game, May is your month to polish the knob -- in private, of course, because remember: It's still illegal to do it in public.
Now if you're among the few who think it's bad to tame the one-eyed wonder weasel alone or ride around with the little man in the boat all by yourself, then I might direct you to the Reddit community called "NoFap" -- or perhaps "Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin" is more your game.
If you're like everyone else, remember, it's 2018, so don't be ashamed (unless you do it on Mother's Day or Christmas ... then maybe a little shame). It's all about self-love, getting the demons out, calming yourself, getting rid of stress, and it has health benefits (like the 2013 study that shows spanking the monkey could lower diabetes). Heck, it can even help your actual love life!
If you're one of those long fellas who tend to ruin all of your socks, Pornhub is now selling Celebrity Socks, so yours can remain starch-free. Either way, it's your month, do what you gotta do... if you need a "fapping aide," it's the internet, you don't have to look far.