If you live in one of the many areas where fireworks and the lighting of them are illegal, never fear, your old pal Timmy put on his thinking cap and came up with some fun & (mostly) safe alternatives to get the Independence Day show that will hopefully put a smile on your face. Here's my top 5! NOTE: Kids, get parents permission first. Adults, be sober while doing these.

5. Walk around in socks on carpet to build up static electricity and shock your loved ones. Sometimes works for me just walking through Costco. You'll get a little spark, and a lot of attitude from your wife.

4. Pop-Rocks in your cat's litter box. Not much of a light show...but if you put a strobe light on at the right time, you will swear it's a fireworks display the likes of which would make Helen Keller proud!

3. Find the A-hole on the road who still has studs on their car! Yes, they're ruining our roads, and making our tabs go up for repairs, but for this time of year, all is forgiven... until you cause a fire on the freeway medians.

2. CD in a microwave... I recommend Abba Gold or anything by Yanni as well as a backup microwave. Bonus Tip... put the CD in a bowl while it's in the microwave, cooked long enough it'll be become bowl shape. plug the hole and bam: instant ashtray.

1. Just watch this "Grinder Girl" make sparks all day!

& Finally for your viewing pleasure... FIREWORK DONG!