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Todd’s Take: My Wife “Dream Cheated” On Me

TSM/Todd Lyons
TSM/Todd Lyons

My wife, Carrie, and I have been a couple since May of 2002. We will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this December 30th. While, like any couple, we have our occasional tiffs, we really do get along with each other and love one another.

Until last night.

Last night my wife “dream cheated” on me. Before I ever met her, I had no idea as to what this phenomenon was. (Ed. note: For the record, Todd has “dream cheated” on Carrie at least two times previous). I’ve since learned that this occurs when one spouse is asleep and, while in a dream state, the other member of the party is doing something with someone that they shouldn’t.

One morning, my wife woke up crying and I, of course, asked her what was wrong. She informed me that I was a P.O.S. for “dream cheating” on her. I laughed. I, also, of course, apologized for something I didn’t do – which was weird, but, as they say, “happy wife, happy life”.

Last night, however, the table was finally turned on me. Carrie was hanging around with some snarky, olive-skinned dude about 1/3 my age who perpetually took potshots at me, taunted and flaunted the fact that he was with my wife and she was going to divorce me. In front of my family, no less! On on airplane! To Hawaii! And then on an aircraft carrier! In Hawaii! I’ve NEVER EVEN BEEN TO HAWAII?!?! The gall of that a-hole!!!

All the while, my wife sat there silently. Obviously an admission of guilt! Many of my friends and family, a number of them who are – in actuality – dead now, who were on the boat, tried to console me to no avail.

Then I woke up. Lying next to my lovely bride. I put my arm around her and said, “Now I know what it feels like.” She looked at me quizzically. I told her that SHE “dream cheated” on me.

She laughed. She apologized. And they lived happily ever after.

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