After an Incident last Thursday Night that took place at Terror On The Ave, it looks to be well on its way to reopen this week on Thursday. But a lot of people have been asking me ... "What Happened? What was the incident?" And to be honest, I do not know. I've asked some key people about the incident and have gotten the response of "I'm not at liberty to say." Why aren't they at liberty to say? What secrets could the "Terror" be hiding. Since no one would tell me, I decided to let my imagination run wild... and here are all the different thoughts I have about what the "Incident" could possibly be.

1.) So scary that the first group of people soiled their pants so badly that the building stank worse than a dead skunk on the side of the freeway during a 108-degree summer day right by a septic treatment plant ... yes a funk so bad that Helen Keller would rip her nose off. It has taken a week for the building to air out. Very plausible.

2.) Accidentally designed the vortex so well that it actually opened up a portal into another universe and or parallel dimension. A Star-Gate if you will. After a vicious battle between the on-air staff of Townsquare Media and the warlords of this new universe who called themselves The Kanamits, it was finally resolved with an agreement to allow Kanamit Public Service Announcements to air on News Talk KIT's station every Sunday morning at 5.

3.) In the section where the walk way gets smaller and smaller (i.e. "Alice In Wonderland"), a fat guy got stuck (i.e. "Winnie the Pooh.") Oh, bother.

4.) The brand new 3D section was so intricate that it actually took people into a mythical 4D realm, allowing them all sorts of super "useless" powers. Like the ability to taste color or hear auras. Maybe make the wind blow just by staring at a tree... or is it the ability to move a tree limb with your mind? Useless power. But will the first group of people use their new powers for good or evil? We may never know.

5.) A vicious explosion that sent shrapnel and electronic parts into one of the spectators creating the first Terror On The Ave Radio Cyborg. He/she is currently being retrained in website posts and will be working for the company at the start of the new year.

6.) Terrifying mannequins actually turned out to be missing corpses from the community college's mortician class. By not being properly embalmed, rigamortis nasty-ass smells started haunting the building.

7.) A guy named Bob jumping out and yelling "Boo" at people didn't quite cut it.

8.) The section that allows you to fall asleep in order to go into a Freddy Krueger-esq Nightmare on Elm Street fear induced coma, actually just made the audience naked on a crashing airplane that was late for a math test. Was indeed scary until cases of sleep apnea started popping up.

9.) While using a Ouija Board, instead of contacting the dead, it just told dirty knock-knock jokes.

10.) The "Ghost Dimension" was just a room with two stools, a potter's wheel, and The Righteous Brothers song "Unchained Melody" playing through the loud speakers.

11.) Terrifying Clowns who were hired for the event, were actually mimes. Not nearly as scary but just as annoying.

12.) Terror on the Ave's live "Scare Cam" was hacked and kept Rick Rolling viewers. Scary ... but just not in the way we wanted.

13.) "Dead Baby" extras who were hired turned out to be the original Lollypop Guild from "Wizard of Oz." Demanded more money, went on strike.

14.) The room where NOTHING HAPPENED, titled "The Paranoia Room," didn't have the desired effect. Think about it ... you have things jumping out at you, scaring you, making you pee ... then you get to a nice, happy empty, white room ... you walk through it expecting something ... ANYTHING ... but nope nothing ... or DID something hit you ... IN YOUR MIND!

15.) One word: Ebola.

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