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Wyoming Man Found With 30 Eyeballs in His Anal Cavity

Got your attention? The above headline gets my vote for 2017 Headline of the Year –and we still have more than five months to go.

Courtesy Casper WY Police Department
Courtesy Casper WY Police Department

Casper, Wyo., police made a routine traffic stop and got quite a shock when they asked a 51-year old man to step out of his El Camino (sweet ride) and take a field sobriety test.

As several eyeballs started to slide down the right pant leg of Mr. Roy Tilbott, police immediately drew their weapons and cuffed him fearing potential serial-killer-guy standing right in front of them.

The eyeballs were not human, but cow eyeballs. The man is employed as a butcher at a slaughterhouse and he says he’s justified in his pilfering from his wasteful company, saying his employer doesn’t have a recycling program and the extra scraps of meat and body parts are just thrown out to the landfill anyways.

The man enjoys a good bowl of bovine eyeball soup as he swears it helps with his erectile dysfunction (of course it does) plus he enjoys the taste and texture.

Courtesy Casper WY Police Department Bovine Eyeball
Courtesy Casper WY Police Department Bovine Eyeball

Quote, “I enjoy eating bovine eyeballs and smuggling them out in my colon was the only way I knew how to get them out without potentially getting caught and fired.”

He told police he’s probably smuggled several thousands eyeballs from the plant over the past few months.

At the time of his arrest, his BAC (blood alcohol content) was more than twice the legal limit, so apparently a bevy of beverages are also enjoyed while washing down the soup “texture.”

A total of 30 bovine eyeballs were recovered from the man’s rectum.

Police also found a number of carving knives they surmise were taken from the slaughterhouse as well, but he has not been charged with theft as that part of the investigation remains open. The police are not sure about bovine eyeball theft either, and are waiting to officially speak to the man’s employer.

This story was concocted with thanks to the information found here.

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