While everybody else is out celebrating Halloween and having fun getting dressed up in crazy, sexy, or cool costumes, you at least have the good sense not to fall victim to such capitalistic rituals.

To make yourself feel better, here are five reasons why you are wise enough to know better than to be out celebrating Halloween this year (or any other year, for that matter)!

  • 1

    You don’t like saving money.

    There are too many sales on Halloween candy at grocery stores and dollar stores. Why would you want to save money with those 2 for $5.99 deals on candy (or for 70% off after Halloween) when you could just buy all your candy BEFORE Halloween and pay full price!

  • 2

    You don’t like making kids (or your friends) happy.

    Who needs the sight of tiny tots in adorable Cartoon Character/Superhero/Princess/Ninja Turtles/Zombie costumes? Not you! If your friends invite you to a Halloween party, you tell them you will be at home in bed being sick that day.

  • 3

    You are a Halloween Scrooge.

    You hate all costumes in general. The mere thought of celebrating Halloween makes you hurl. You don’t like decorating your house, your front door or your lawn, especially not with that fake spider web stuff. You also hate letting the kids go Trick or Treating. You cross your fingers when you tell people you don’t celebrate Halloween for “religious” reasons. You even avoid watching Halloween themed episodes of your favorite television shows, too. Bah Halloweenbug!

  • 4

    You have no electricity in your house.

    At least, that’s what you pretend is happening on Halloween night. You turn the lights off at your house and lie on the floor, or you just go hide in your room in darkness. If anyone dares to ring your doorbell on Halloween night, you curse them under your breath (while hiding in your room in darkness).

  • 5

    You hate music.

    If anyone around you starts singing Michael Jackson's “Thriller”, Boris & Natasha's “Monster Mash” or Ray Parker Jr.'s “Ghostbusters”, you give them the glare of death. Which is ironic because for some people, Halloween is about dressing up as scary creatures, some of which are dead. You turn the station on the radio if a Halloween-esque song is being played, nay, you don’t even turn on the radio on Halloween or Halloween eve.

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