It will one day be acceptable to admit to the world that you enjoy your own farts. No longer will you have to hide the fact that you secretly smell, classify and rank the “air from under there.” The only thing you haven’t done is name them. 

Dumb as a Blog has done us a service with this fantastic list of 13 dumb names for different kinds of farts. Classics like the “stink ninja,” “the sloppy trombone” and “the loose meat air horn.”

Dumb Blog might feel these names are dumb but we feel it’s always best to have a recognized list as to avoid any future arguments. Like remember when you argued with your girlfriend for an hour about the type of “booty tooty” you unleashed during the toast at her father’s 60th birthday? You said it was a “frog carpet,” which according to the Dumb blog, is similar to the sound of many frogs croaking in a room, kind of like stepping on bubble wrap or “slipping on an overly full jelly donut.” She classified it as “tasteless and disgusting.”

Sorry. We meant to say your “ex” girlfriend. Well now the next time you stalk her Facebook page you can leave this list on her wall to show her you were correct.

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