Five Songs That Could Replace ‘The Star Spangled Banner’

It seems that everybody has their chonies in a bunch over the content of America's national anthem, "The Star Spangled Banner," and whether you should stand up when it's played before ballgames. Boy, are they angry! I've seen people post videos of themselves burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys; I've seen current and former NFL players bickering in the media over patriotism; and people getting on news shows saying that perhaps Black people should go back to Africa.

This ISH is getting RIDICULOUS. I find myself quoting Rodney King, saying, "Can't we all just get along?"

"The Star Spangled Banner" actually has five verses, not just the one we sing at big events. It contains references to the ugly history of slavery in America, it contains chords in the key (of whatever that high pitch note is) that people butcher left and right at baseball games (like Roseanne Barr)! One thing's for certain, we are all united in our anger, it's just that we're not united in what we're angry at!

So some people (like John Legend) have been suggesting that we replace the national anthem with a different song.
Now THAT is a novel idea!.

Here is my tongue-in-chic response to replacing The Star Spangled Banner with something else. How about a song that everybody loves or one that everybody hates. Either way, we'll all be united in something! Why don't we come together as a country and sing one of these suggestions: