New Smart Toilet Recognizes You Based on Your Buttface

A cheeky new device recognizes your unique "anal print" and can monitor your health by your waste. This story was dropped, and I find it a little ironic, yet odd, on the website for Business Insider. Oh, we got your insides business right here.

Now, THAT's What I Call a Smart Toilet! (Vol. #1 & # 2).

Why, I had no idea my anal print was so unique, and that this new toilet can recognize my keister, and check both urine and the solids, yes, even the latter that comes out as the former. Stanford University says it's about biometrics and the detection of "disease markers" in stool and urine samples that can flag a number of things, even multiple types of cancer.

It's still in the early stages of development and there's no time frame as to when this commode might become available, but the majority of about 300 people surveyed would have no problem with the concept of having a smart loo in their home.

So has anyone tried it? Twenty-one people have officially tried the device. Not making this up, again, 21 people. 21 gun salute? Hello? We could go on all day. We won't.