Exotic Dancers Permanently Stripped From Riverside in Umatilla

Ah, the nudie bar. Where the music stinks and they water the drinks, the nudie bar. Where the girlies dance in their underpants, the nudie bar, where you see their butts and their traps stay shut, the nudie bar. --Al Bundy, "Married With Children"

I couldn't find the YouTube link for this particular nudie bar description from the show, but I know it's correct because I memorized it long ago, but for comparison purposes, you can sample Al's classic takes about his love of adult entertainment here, here and here.

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First and foremost, you should never be snaking on another dudes lap dance, capisci? Goodbye to the bed dance, couch dance, lap dance, stage dance and table dance (all are different) the girlfriend experience, mini-laps, high mileage, the whale at the tip rail and the oh-so-tough-to-define, extras. No more making it rain, or cheesy hair metal classics as the honeys work the pole. The only pole position I'll care about is who qualifies at the top of the Indy 500 ladder.

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Alas, adult entertainment will no longer be featured again, once Umatilla's Riverside Sports Bar begins to serve the public in a limited capacity around May 18th. Since 1994 there's been a nudie bar in Umatilla. Heck in 2014, there were three! Now, there's none.

When COVID-19 shut everything down, it became clear to the owners, who were spending time renovating the building and revamping the menu, the time was right to move forward in a more family-friendly environment and pull the poles and stage.