5 Ways You Can Tell Someone Is Not From Yakima From A Mile Away
Have you ever had that moment where you were minding your own business running errands about town and you could tell right away that someone was NOT from Yakima?
I have had those moments recently, yes, even during the coronavirus pandemic quarantine lockdown of 2020.
You don't have to be wearing a face mask to blend in with the 'locals'. Nice try there, buddy!
I see you. You think we can't notice that you are giving yourself away with these five signs that you're not from 'round these parts!
Telltale Sign #1: Fanny Packs: You might think fanny packs have gone the way of the dodo birds, but you're dead wrong. Fanny packs are slowly making a comeback. Just the other day, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and someone had posted a picture of a tye-dyed fanny pack with the caption, "OMG, this is so cute, it makes me want to get one!" I was horrified to see several people under that photo's comments that agreed with that Facebook friend. I say "that" Facebook friend because upon seeing how they wanted to bring back those ghastly things, I promptly hit the "Unfollow" button on Facebook.
Telltale Sign #2: Mullets: Just when I was certain modern society was in agreement that mullets are repulsive reminders of the worst of times, people around town have been rocking those feathered atrocities upon their heads. They are not from around here. They must be visiting us from one of the Dakotas, or they are actual aliens.
Telltale Sign #3: Big Cameras: You can spot 'em a mile away if you see somebody carrying around a mid-size Canon camera with a lens the size of an elephant trunk attached to it. They are not from 'round here neither. They must be visiting us from Vermont or something. Just because we live in "The Palm Springs of Washington" doesn't mean our cameras have to be big and gaudy. Scram, you tourist. Get a phone camera to take your selfies like the rest of us Yakimoanians.
Telltale Sign #4: Cowboy Boots: I refuse to believe that people from Yakima genuinely love wearing cowboy boots in the city. Cowboy boots are an East Valley, Naches thang. I kid, I kid. I saw a man wearing boots the other day on Nob Hill Blvd by the freeway and it was 103 degrees outside! If you see someone sporting cowboy boots, they are probably from Texas (or Selah). Who said that out loud? Me?
Telltale Sign #5: Southern drawl, crisp Mid-Western snarls, Northern, Eastern hard "arrs", Canadian (I know what I'm talking aboot), and/or piercing British accents: Okay, I will confess I am not in the least bit bothered by Telltale Sign #5, in fact, I welcome it with open arms! This particular dead giveaway that someone is NOT from Yakima very charming and dare I say it, appealing! What Yakimite doesn't coo at the sound of an Englishman stopping you on the street and saying, "Pardon me, miss, where is the LOO?" The loo is right next to my warmed up heart, ya cute bloke! Welcome to Yakima!