Timmy’s Take: Halfway Through 2020!
What a hell of a year! The sad part is, we are only halfway through it! When did all this craziness begin? Some point back to the latest release of Star Wars. If Rise of the Skywalker was just a better movie, maybe 2020 would have been a better year. Other's are firmly in the #DicksOutForHarambe camp. They believe that all the horrible things that have been happening can be traced back to the killing of Harambe the guerrilla incident back in 2016 and has since been like dominoes. A new mathematical theory has recently pin pointed that we are indeed living in the end times that the Mayans predicted, due to their calendar being converted to the Gregorian calendar. (Which it says this Father's Day is the end of the world FYI).
So far this year, we almost had world war 3, luckily President Trump & North Korea kissed and made up, kind of. Australia caught on fire and burned roughly 21% of the total area covered by Australian forests. President Trump was impeached. Someone ate a bat leading in around about way lead to COVID-19 aka Coronavirus. We've been on lock-down and many of us have been out of work for the past 3 months. There were the great Toilet Paper Riots & Shortage of 2020. Essential workers are praised and let into Costco early. Kim Jon Un died & his sister became a hot anime star. Then he came back to life. The Pentagon confirmed the existence of UFO's, but no one really seemed surprised. Murder Hornets were invading, but they decided not to. Thousands of people have died from COVID-19, even some that didn't die from COVID-19. Kobe Bryant died in a helicopter crash, not COVID-19 related. HIV research has been showing signs of an eventual cure. Everything this summer from major sports, concerts, movies, funerals, weddings, graduations have all been canceled. We had a whole month to celebrate 420, but no one could go anywhere to celebrate. Beef shortage! Some bad Minneapolis police killed George Floyd, leading to protests and some riots. An area of Seattle has turned into a scene from "Escape from L.A." or "The Village" depending on which news reports you believe. Historical statues are being torn down & petitioned to be replaced by pop-stars. Masks have become a fashion statement. Hugs & handshakes are now frowned upon. Earthquakes at Yellowstone have started. Many of us got $1200 a check from the government, so that was a little bit of good news. In fact the closest thing we've had to world peace (since Pokemon Go) was the Tiger King and our mutual hatred of Carol Baskins! And we're only half way through June & 2020!
What's to come in the 2nd half of the year? My predictions are ACID Rain! The San Andreas fault becomes the real life "Snickers Hole", Lizard People show their existence by exiting out the same "Snickers Hole", Vice President Pence shoots his buddy in the face. Hitler is found to be cryogenically frozen. The Lockness Monster goes on a murder rampage. Sharknado becomes a real life documentary right out of the Bermuda Triangle. And the presidential election is turned into a Star Search/American Idol call in competition on prime-time television. & Last but not least, Cuba becomes the 51st state.