Another HILARIOUS Ad From Local Man

About a month ago I stumbled across a hilarious ad about a man trying to sell his van on Facebook's Buy, Sell & Trade page. I had to do a double check to make sure I was on the correct website! I started reading and couldn't stop laughing. It is unclear if he ever found a forever home for the van but that same man, Zachary is at it again! This time he is selling his VERY plain car! The creative writing of this ad has me completely entertained and almost in need of a very plain car! The ad reads...

Can we all be honest with ourselves here for a minute?

Ever been stuck in a LONNNGG lecture with a monotone professor? Ever had to literally watch paint dry? Even worse - in some sick, twisted way, did you begin to find enjoyment in this suffering, or contemplate subjecting someone else to such dull misery?

Well you better stop at the store and buy a scratcher because its your lucky day - boy, do I have the hooptie for you!

If you're contemplating this 2000 Ford Taurus for yourself or someone you loathe - Congratulations! You woke up this morning and chose violence in the most passive-aggressive way ever. If absolute boredom were a weapon of mass destruction, this car would surely have been found in Iraq, Afghanistan, or Libya.

Now much like many of us out there - this Taurus has some mileage (183K miles), and looks ok and feels like it should. However, its just that the light of hope inside it has died (or never really was there, I am not 100% sure).

Powered by a 3.0 V6 that can move out of its own way, but not much else, this Taurus wears the "TORTOISE" nickname proudly and unabashedly. The automatic transmission does what it's supposed to - but ensures you will not derive ANY pleasure in going from point A to point B, unless you truly get your kicks punishing yourself. (No kink-shaming here!)

As far as driving excitement - it steers and stops fine, but the first thought of anyone of operating this bland, roadgoing appliance is "How did they manage to put 4 wheels on a giant vat of mashed potatoes?" or "Is this what it's like to drive a cloud?". Fun will not be a part of your daily commute - just vague sadness.

However - if smiling is merely optional when you pilot nearly 2 tons of steel down the highway, or if you think mayonnaise is too spicy for your diet, this Taurus actually does check all the must-have requirements for a automobile that moves under its own power.

It recently benefited from a tune-up and new vacuum lines - so it operates as it should. Heater, A/C, and stereo work, and overall - the car does function well and would be a great, boring choice for a new driver, an old driver, or someone who has nothing to drive.

It comes equipped with studded snow tires, so if you won't feel anything driving this boat, whatever you are driving over certainly will!

The price of admission to the automotive embodiment of apathy is only $1600!

Come and claim your prize in East Wenatchee.